Kamala Hahaharris suffers a delusion of grandeur

Ah, dear friends, gather 'round as we behold the latest chapter in the grand farce that is modern American politics. Former Vice President Kamala Harris, that indefatigable champion of word salads and unburdened tomorrows, has graciously informed the world that she is, in fact, a "historic figure." And not just any historic figure--no, one destined for immortality in marble.

In a recent sit-down with The New York Times, promoting her memoir 107 Days (a slim volume chronicling what felt like an eternity to the rest of us), Harris brushed aside pesky questions about 2028 ambitions with the serene confidence of a woman who knows her place in the pantheon.

"I understand the focus on '28 and all that," she told the Times. "But there will be a marble bust of me in Congress. I am a historic figure like any Vice President of the United States ever was."Yes, you see, the Senate has this charming little tradition, dating back to the late 1800s of commissioning busts of vice presidents once they're safely out of office. It's a bit like participation trophies for the second banana, and Harris is already measuring the pedestal.

Pantsuit by Clinton of Arkansas

And the adoration! "Thousands of people are coming to hear my voice. Thousands and thousands," she added about her book tour. "Every place we’ve gone has been sold out." Of course, in an age where tickets to hear politicians reminisce about their defeats are apparently hotter than a Taylor Swift concert, who are we to question the draw of the Harris mystique?But the book itself—ah, there's the real entertainment. Our former veep uses it to settle a few scores with fellow Democrats. 

Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro, once a contender for her running mate (before she wisely chose the reliably folksy Tim Walz), comes in for particular attention. Harris recounts Shapiro peppering her staff with questions, including, get this" how he might arrange to get Pennsylvania artists’ work on loan from the Smithsonian." She accused him of wanting a hand in every decision and firmly reminded him that "a vice president is not a co-president." Shapiro didn't take kindly to being cast as the overambitious understudy.

"She wrote that in her book? That's complete and utter bull---t," Shapiro fired back in an interview with The Atlantic. "I can tell you that her accounts are just blatant lies."

"I did ask a bunch of questions," he continued. "Wouldn’t you ask questions if someone was talking to you about forming a partnership and working together?"

And then, with a touch of regret: "I mean, she's trying to sell books and cover her ass," before catching himself. "I shouldn't say ‘cover her ass.’ I think that's not appropriate. She's trying to sell books. Period," he concluded.

Not one to spare the rod on her old boss, Harris also points the finger at Joe Biden's White House for sidelining her and hanging her out to dry, particularly on that thorny border issue."Getting anything positive said about my work or any defense against untrue attacks was almost impossible," the book laments. And on the border: well, apparently the White House was perfectly happy to let her "shoulder the blame."

In the end, folks, this is politics as high comedy, or perhaps low tragedy, depending on your view. A former vice president assuring us of her marble destiny while slinging mud at allies to hawk a memoir. One can almost hear the chisels warming up in the Senate corridors. 

History, as they say, is written by the victors... or at least by those with the best publicists.

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