Jury Nails Would-Be Trump Assassin, Then He Totally Loses It

It's official: Ryan Routh, the cretin who thought he could take a shot at President Donald Trump, got slapped with a guilty verdict faster than you can say "stick 'em up." 

On Tuesday, a jury took just two hours and 20 minutes to decide this Hawaiian hotshot was guilty as sin. The charges was a laundry list of felonious flops: attempting to assassinate a major presidential candidate, assaulting a federal officer, possessing a firearm in furtherance of a crime of violence, being a felon with a gun and ammo, and owning a firearm with a scratched-off serial number. Dude is looking at life in the slammer. 

But it gets wilder. 

The second the verdict dropped, Routh tried to go full drama queen, grabbing a pen and attempting to stab himself in the neck like he's auditioning for a prison Shakespeare play. U.S. Marshals were quick to shut that nonsense down, restraining him before he could make a bigger mess.

So, who is this trainwreck? 

Routh, 59, used to be a Trump fanboy but apparently flipped the script. On September 15, 2024, Secret Service caught him playing hide-and-seek in the bushes near the fifth hole of a golf course where Trump was swinging clubs. Imagine this: Routh has a semiautomatic rifle, poking it through a fence, aimed right at the former prez. 

For some reason, Secret Service wasn't having it. They fired at him, and the idiot bolted like a scared rabbit. No shots fired by Routh, thankfully, but 45 minutes later, cops nabbed him on Interstate 95. They found his rifle, some bullet-resistant plates, and his fingerprints all over the scope. 

Rookie move, Ryan.

Turns out, the assassination attempt wasn't a spur-of-the-moment thing. Routh was obsessed. 

He had been stalking Trump's moves for weeks, Googling his campaign schedule, living out of his car like some low-rent Don Lemon. And more interestingly, months before, he left a letter at a buddy's place, basically saying, "Hey, I'm gonna try to take out Trump, but if I screw it up, here's $150,000 for whoever finishes the job." 

Routh pleaded not guilty and decided to play lawyer, ditching his public defenders despite the judge warning him, "This is a bad idea." 

Spoiler: it was because as his own lawyer, he had an idiot for a client. 

The prosecution brought in 38 witnesses, including cops and experts, to bury him. Routh called three, including a firearms guy who admitted the rifle's scope was crap, held together with glue and tape, but still worked. 

In court, Routh tried to weasel out, claiming, "No one ever intended to kill anyone" and swearing he didn't aim at the Secret Service agent. The jury wasn't buying it, and neither are we. Now he's got a lifetime to think about how not to be a walking disaster. 

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