NY Man allegedly kills Chinese delivery man over duck sauce: his refrigerator was stuffed with the stuff

"I'd kill for one of those little cups of duck sauce"

Queens, NY -- A man, who evidently suffers from OCCPH (Obsessive Compulsive Condiment Packet Hoarder), wanted more of the sweet condiment than the Chinese delivery guy had with him or was willing to give him for his order. So on Tuesday, he killed the poor guy--seriously--because that's what you do when you have OCCPH, a new disorder that has no multi-colored flag and currently no parades to celebrate it, and nobody is willing to give you as much as you need to assuage your habit.

When the NYPD came to suspect Glenn Hirsch's home, and opened his refrigerator, they found it stuffed with sweet and sour duck sauce, ketchup, and soy sauce, enough to almost fill a bathtub, which may have been his plan all along. These were those little packets you get at takeaway kitchens--the kind in little packets you have to open with your teeth, unless you go to the gym.

“His whole refrigerator was filled with duck sauce,” a source said. “And other condiments.”

“He’s a hoarder. And when you open the refrigerator, it’s like, condiments — there’s duck sauce, soy sauce, ketchup.”

Hirsch, 51, was arrested last week on charges of fatally shooting Zhiwen Yan, 45, on April 30 in Forest Hills, Queens. after stalking Yan’s restaurant for several weeks over his demand for more duck sauce in what the Queens DA called an “obsessive point of contention,” [aka OCCPH].

It's obvious that Hirsch is a communist who believes that he should get for free something he did not work for, and if that's denied to him, he has the right to feel unsafe and respond to the threat. 

Police said they were building a case against the mentally unstable Hirsch ever since learning he had been involved in ongoing tensions with the manager at the Great Wall restaurant [named in honor of former President Tump]. The trouble started last Nov. 30 when Hirsch went ballistic because there wasn’t enough duck sauce for him to take home with his meal, named in honor of President Biden upon his meeting with Xi Jinping [called sum-dum foo].

Indeed, after Hirsch was indicted and busted police searched his apartment in Jamaica, Queens and found in his refrigerator evidence of just how obsessed he is with condiments.

“I guess in some pathology people like that take that stuff very seriously — you didn’t give him enough duck sauce,” said the police source, who apparently knows as much about psychology as Biden knows about driving an 18-wheeler.

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Hirsch, who had 10 previous sealed arrests, has pleaded not guilty and is being held without duck sauce.

Police said the night of the murder he circled the block of the restaurant a number of times, then followed Yan as he drove off on his scooter to make a delivery before shooting him on the street.

Hirsch has not been charged with a hate crime in the case.

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