Saturday, October 23, 2021

Jen Psaki explains why Biden's approval ratings suck


Jen Psaki [the "P" is pronounced confidently] agrees that her boss' approval ratings are on par with those of punching puppies, but she believes the reason for that can easily be explained.

"People are tired of having to listen to others with old fashioned opinions and believe in a 'Sky Father,'" she told CNN's Brian Stelter, who is not gay he claims and is host of the oxymoronically-named show "Reliable Sources."  

"These same people, and I hesitate to call them people because they are more like terrorists, think they have the right to stop a cisgender woman or transgender man, from having say over what they want to do with that clump of cells they want removed from their body. These same terrorists think they have the right to control what is being taught to their children in the classroom and can voice these concerns at school board meetings and this is turning people off to the President."

"And what do you think?" Stelter demurredly asked the White House Press Secretary.

"I cannot speak for the President because when he speaks, it's difficult to understand his deep train of thought. But I can say with confidence that women and men have the right to an abortion and everyone, whether they agree or not, should have to pay for the removal of that unwanted clump of cells. Biden knows this and he even seems to be convincing his Pope to believe this too.

"And I don't know about you, Brian, but I think the American people are just plain tired of talking about these issues, just as they were plain tired of Trump as President. This is why President Biden's approval rating is slightly decreasing. People just don't want to say nice things about this great man."

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"I have an anonymous source, who is perfectly reliable but doesn't want to be identified in fear of being cancelled for a decade old tweet he or she sent out saying that Donald Trump is not a monster. Anywho, this reliable source said that they believe President Biden will not finish his first term and that our woman of color Vice President will take over. What do your sources tell you?"

"Brian, that's, ah, nonsense. President Biden is as fit as a thirty-year-old athlete and his mind is as sharp as a Ginsu knife. Don't believe everything you hear about President Biden. The Republicans want us to believe that he has dementia, but anyone with such a passion for one of the opposite of the myriad sexes, has got to be fully functional. It's Trump who is mentally unfit to be president again. He should be forced to take another cognitive assessment test, not Joe Biden."

"Well there you have it. Thank you, Jen Psaki, thank you for coming on and setting the American people straight. You are a courageous trooper."


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