Comrade de Blasio: 'If they get too close, turn 'em in--we'll do the rest'

Storm Trooper und New York City Mayor, Herr Bill de Blasio, ordered his city troops to do what they can to fight for the cause. If they catch a traitor come within 5.95 feet of another citizen, they are to take their smartphone and photograph the miscreant "und text der photo to der authorities, und ve vill know vat to do from dere. Can I get a 'heil de Blasio!'"

These orders come in light of his fellow Communists in China regarding the Chinese Communist Wuhan Coronavirus and the need for social distancing.

“Now it is easier than ever to vat I call doink der right ting," he said on his Twitter account. “Vhen you see a crowd, und vhen you see a line dat’s not distanced, vhen you see a zupermarket dat’s too crowded -- anytink -- you can report it right avay zo ve can get help dere to fix the problem, if you know vat I mean.” 

He then adjusted his monocle and shot a reporter who was asking too many questions at a propaganda presser.

New York City is the nation’s largest COVID-19 hotspot, with more than 131,000 confirmed cases and more than 13,000 deaths as of Saturday afternoon, topping the entire state of New Jersey, which ranks second with over 81,000.

The city’s social distancing orders mandate standing at least 6 feet apart from other people under penalty of who-knows-what. In March, Comrade de Blasio announced that violators could be fined up to $500, and now it is unclear what will happen to those poor individuals who stray too close to their loved ones.

Of course, these rules do not apply to Comrade de Blasio because he is in the public eye and therefore must go to his gym to stay in shape to lead his troopers. He can be a kind leader and praise the masses for following orders. But don't cross him if you know what's good for you.

  

Lifting his right arm, with open hand to the ground in salute, he said: “Dank you everyone who’s done it the right vay, aber ve shtill know dere’s zum people who need to get der message,” he shouted in the video. “Und dat means, zometimes, making sure the enforcement is there to educate people, if you know vat I mean.”

To turn your friends, neighbors or parents into the authorities, simply “Text der photo to 311-692 und action will ensue,” Comrade de Blasio said.

Those who turn in three or more American citizens will be admitted into the Party, no questions asked.

Please consider following this blog, and remember, every time you click on an ad, an angel gets its wings and a dead terrorist gets his virgins.

Tweet