Monday, April 1, 2019

BREAKING: Christine Blasey Ford believes Joe Biden 'touched' her at a party in college

The following is satire.

Doctor Christine Blasey Ford has come forward with a blockbuster allegation:
"I believe that former Vice President Joe Biden may have touched my left breast at a pot party sponsored by Kamala Harris somewhere in California in the past. I was kind of stoned as was Kamala, but I was left with a strange feeling in my bra after I got home, and I know it was due to something untoward. Psychologically, it probably came from Joe Biden."
If this proves to be true, Biden is toast. If it turns out to be false, Ford will still get to keep the money she earned in the Brett Kavanaugh U.S. Supreme Court confirmation hearing. Either way, she can't lose and Bob O'Rourke might even win it all.

In an interview with MSNBC special needs host Chris Matthews, Ford spoke through hot liberal tears in an obviously tough situation for her.

"It's my truth that Mr. Biden was inappropriate with me, even if he doesn't agree. A lot of men are inappropriate with me. I don't what it is that attracts these men to me, but it's my curse," she said dolefully as her nose began to clog and a tiny bubble formed beneath her right nostril. "Maybe I'm just too damn pretty."

Hearing the news of Ford's allegation, President Trump tweeted:
"Finally this bag of wind is telling the truth. She didn't tell the TRUTH with BRETT KAVANAUGH and she lied like a rug. She lied. Now she finally is telling the TRUTH. Oh, and the truth shall set you free!"
When Uncle Joe Biden heard of Ford's allegation he also took to Twitter:
"Don't believe her. I haven't even met the woman and never went to a marijuana party with Kamala Harris except for that one time and C. Blasey Ford wasn't there, I think."
CNN, MSNBC, CBS and ABC have not as yet reported on this story.

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