The Clinton speaking tour goes mum as Hill heads overseas

When you can't get butts in the seats and already lowered the cost of hearing you speak by about a zillion percent and still nobody comes to hear you, perhaps it's time to end your speaking tour. You're done--put a fork in it.

Hillary Clinton, the failed 2016 Democratic presidential candidate who lost to Donald J. Trump, and her philandering husband, Bill, who disgraced the White House by having his aide, who was half his age, perform fellatio in the Oval Office, have pulled the plug on their "conversation tour."

They hopped a flight to India for a wedding, possibly for an Indian person with an enormously long name such as Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, or not, without any word of rescheduling  a canceled appearance in Sugar Land, Texas.

Last week, the loving couple [of other people] made two appearances in our frozen country to the north and drew more flies than people. Both audiences decided to form separate hockey teams after the "conversation" to kill the boredom, and they were still short goalies.

So the Clintons announced they'd be "postponing" the Sugar Land appearance due to the funeral of former President George H.W. Bush, but promised a new tour date "soon," which cause a "run on glee" in the Lone Star State.

"I can't wait," said one person.

This weekend, however, Hillary Clinton was spotted at a high society wedding in Udaipur, India where the cows are sacred and Hillary is admired. She is expected to be there all week celebrating and gloating with a subtle schadenfreude at the waiters that she's very wealthy. 

The big question the tabloids have is whether she will wear a sari and show off her belly and toe rings.

The Hill said that "Clinton arrived to attend pre-wedding celebrations for Isha Ambani, daughter of Reliance Industries chairman Mukesh Ambani. The wedding ceremony is Wednesday in Mumbai."

"Hillary received a warm welcome from the elated parents of the bride, Mukesh and Nita Ambani, and was seen quite excited to be joining the celebrations," India Today's gossip column reported. "Then came the biggest surprise of the night. Hillary danced - no, strike that - she danced to bhangra beats with John Kerry, former US Secretary Of State and the entire Ambani clan."

Kerry, as you know, is good pals with James Taylor and Jane Fonda.

"Hillary was dressed in Indian attire and was seen doing the bhangra with a lot of excitement," India Today said excitedly.

Beyonce and John Legend will also be in attendance at the wedding. Both are slated to perform at separate events leading up to the main ceremony on Wednesday. It is unclear if Justin Trudeau will be there as he may still be in Vancouver at the "conversation tour" waiting for the applause to die down.

Tickets for the Clinton's thankfully final performance were originally priced at $75 to $175, but are now on the Groupon discount site and are going at the low, low price of $35 to $75. All proceeds will go to the Hillary Clinton "Make a Wish I Become President" Foundation.

But here's something that should bring a smile to the faces of all conservatives who believe the Clintons need to go away: before Bill-ary canceled the Sugar Land event, tickets were going for under $10! 

Seriously. 

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