United Airlines coming untied (again)

(Photo: Heat Street)

There is a saying at United Airlines: "If you can't fix it, make it worse." 

The proverbial excrement is hitting the flabellum for the company that knows the quickest way to re-accommodate passengers to another flight.

Now they killed Simon, a simple bunny that never harmed a soul. The poor creature was found dead, possibly murdered, in the cargo hold of a United Airlines 'Iron Maiden.'

So far there are no suspects.

The three-foot-long, ten-month-old baby bunny rabbit was found unresponsive when the plane arrived at Chicago's O'Hare (get it--'Hare') airport coming from London Heathrow, according to the BBC.

The in-flight movie was "Snakes on a Plane."

The airline is now investigating the incident and says that it was "saddened" to hear the news.

Dr. David Dao, the passenger who was dragged off the plane by security and injured when he refused to leave his paid for seat to allow United Airlines employees to take it from him, had no comment. 

In fact, it's somewhat embarrassing for Dao to speak as he lost his two front teeth in the kerfuffle and now this is all he wants for Christmas. 

(Photo: NY Daily News)

Animals don't usually die on planes, according to the U.S. Department of Transportation. In 2015, however, of the 35 critters that died, 14 of them mysteriously did so on United Airlines flights.

Tainted carrots for Simon have been ruled out.

United issued a standard statement to the BBC: "We were saddened to hear this news. The safety and well-being of all the animals that travel with us is of the utmost importance to United Airlines and our PetSafe team."

But so far, nobody on their so-called PetSafe team has been disciplined.

"We have been in contact with our customer and have offered assistance. We are reviewing this matter." [But it will not bring back baby bunny Simon.]

One of Simon's fans

Simon was the son of the world's largest rabbit--a four-foot-long continental giant rabbit named Darius.

The dead bunny's 'mom' and owner Annette Edwards said that "Simon had a vet's checkup three hours before the flight and was fit as a fiddle. Something very strange has happened and I want to know what. I've sent rabbits all around the world and nothing like this has happened before."

Simon is being laid to rest at Watership Down. The family asks that in lieu of flowers, please donate carrots to your local warren.

On a serious note, while this post was satirical, the story is true and it really is unacceptable that any life should perish, rabbit or otherwise, on a routine airline flight.


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