What I'll Miss

I was trying to think about what I'll miss about New York City and here's what came to mind: I will miss the crowded trains where my feet get stepped on with laser guidance precision by people who pretend it didn't happen. I will miss the frenetic pace where people run from place to place or speed to red lights, just to hurry up and wait. I will miss the obscene rental rates. I will miss the winters of yellow snow--and the brown snow even more. I will miss the cool way that people like, speak, like. I will miss the schizophrenic subway dwellers who take up entire train benches or have a monopoly of an entire car because the smell can make a sewer worker vomit. I will miss the opulence, the doorman buildings, the overpriced stores where only the special people shop. I will miss the great restaurants where every cuisine in the world is represented. The nightlife will also be missed by me--particularly those nights that weren't spent trying to rent apartments to people who really only wanted to do comparison shopping. I will miss the glittering beaches of Brooklyn where the glitter comes from the broken beer bottles left by guys who, when they're not on the beach, are wearing jeans below their butts to show their taste in underwear. I will really miss New York--you probably think I won't.