Biden's COVID-19 symptoms now include sore throat, body aches and dementia

Dr. Jill Biden salutes the Marine as Joe touches himself

Alleged President Biden contracted COVID-19 in spite of his multiple vaccinations and precautions. His original symptoms included a runny nose, minor loss of judgment and mild confusion. Now White House physician Dr. Kevin C. O'Connor says that the President's condition has progressed and he is experiencing a sore throat, muscle aches and pains, flashes of situational anger, and dementia.

"This is nothing to worry about," O'Connor said. "The President is fully capable of doing the job at the same level as before he got the COVID diagnosis. He completed his second full day of PAXLOVID and his symptoms keep getting better and better. He can now differentiate between his wife and his sister, and his cancer is also gone."

Paxlovid is an anti-viral drug currently authorized to treat "mild-to-moderate COVID-19" but it cannot cure stupid.

Speaking about his observations, O'Connor said, "His voice remains deep and kind of sexy. And while his thoughts are somewhat unclear, the President's heart is in the right place. His oxygen saturation continues to be excellent on room air, although there are inexplicable traces of methane from time-to-time."

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First lady Doctor Jill Biden told reporters that she tested negative for COVID-19 and will stay clear of her sick husband. 

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