From Cracker Jill to Barney Crocker, US companies are doing verbal calisthenics to look woke

With the perverse goal of undermining our civilization, progressives are literally and figuratively cutting the balls off men and putting them on women. 

The media, leftist educators, and many in the corporate world are complicit, but regular Americans are finally waking up to this crazy behavior all in the name of being woke.

Frito-Lay, a company that produces diabetes-enhancing products, introduces "Cracker Jill" snacks for America's pastime. It will now take the place of Cracker Jack who has gone off to sea in a ship.

In order to show the world that women can do anything that men can do, [except successfully pee standing up] companies are changing the way we think of the fairer sex [or gender, I forget]. 

Now the bubblegum company that makes Bazooka Joe will rebrand the name to Bazooka Jane. Frosted Flakes' Tony the Tiger will now be Tammy the Tigress. Smith Brothers Cough Drops will be, yes, Smith Sisters Cough Drops. Jack Daniels whiskey will be Jacqueline Daniels. Harry's Razors will be Harriet's Razors. And finally, Uncle Ben's will now be Aunty Brynn converted rice.

To counter this insanity, conservative-run companies plan to do the reverse. Companies with female names will grow a pair.

Aunt Jemima pancakes will change to Uncle Jajah's pancakes in honor of the African roots of pancakes. Betty Crocker will soon become Barney Crocker. Celeste Pizza will become Carl's Pizza and Donut Holes. Little Debbie Cakes will change to Little Dick's Cakes and Donuts.

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Men love their donuts.

If you can think of other companies whose name needs to transition, feel free to comment.

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