Irate Putin purges problematic people who bungled his war

"Pull my finger, comrade"

Dictator of Russia Vladimir Putin is reportedly as heated as a fart in an erupting volcano with his inner circle due to their muffed Ukraine strategy that has brought him nothing but grief. He is said to be looking for those responsible in his own court and when he sorts them out, their lives will require personal food tasters.

According to one source who wishes to remain alive and therefore anonymous, Putin is apoplectic that his dreams of conquering Ukraine between borscht lunches at his mansion have stalled and that his plans were leaked to the West. Putin has reportedly become extremely paranoid, almost to the point that he believes the paranoids are out to get him, and is also concerned about the deaths of several of his generals along with his not so elite forces. Heck, they couldn't even do. simple task like killing Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the Ukrainian President.

Apparently, Putin is now leery about his ally and vaca buddy, defense minister Sergei Shoigu, who oversees the military operation that has been stalled. Alexander Bortnikov who is head of the FSB security service, a Russian agency somewhat like our FBI but with one letter difference, is rumored to be next in line if Putin gets his butt in a coup d'etas, but is also under the gun along with Valery Gerasimov, head of Russian general staff.

Putin is said to not do well with people who betray him and has been known to have them killed or otherwise disappear.

Another big guy in big trouble is Igor Kostyukov, Deputy Chief of the General Staff of the Armed Forces. Igor faces the possibility of imminent removal. One anonymous source who asked to remain anonymous as his family's whereabouts is known to the Kremlin, said: "He is incandescent that US and UK intelligence appear to know the Russian army’s next moves all the time, starting with predicting the invasion before he was ready to acknowledge it."

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The Kremlin has reported that over 10,000 of their troops have so far been killed in Ukraine, and many others are wounded. Morale is lower than whale poop and some troops are said to be hunting for Ukrainian ammunition to shoot themselves in the leg so they are sent home from the frontlines, if you can believe that propaganda-sounding statement.

Putin supposedly said to his commanders losing 50,000 would be “nothing compared to the goals that will be achieved after the victory.” But he clearly did not wish to include himself in that number because leaders never do.

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