Socialist health care "Venezuela style"

Brother "G"

Caracas -- If Bernie Sanders had his heart attack in the socialist country of Venezuela, he might have been treated to top notch healing by "Brother Guayanes" in Caracas' rat-hole Petare district [or "dishtrickt" as Bernie would have called it before he would have expired, like an old library card.]

For Brother Guayanes, business is booming as his home-based waiting room fills up with hopeful people as they clutch their lucky rabbit's foot.

With Venezuela's ongoing medicine shortages and socialism-created hyperinflation, more and more people are turning to "make believe medicine" to treat common ailments in the crisis-wracked, whacky South American country.

One lady, 84, who only used her first name, Alexandria, [she didn't want to be identified just in case Maduro stays in power], spoke of her frustration [in Spanish]. "We go to the hospital and they don't got squat for medicine. Sure, everything is free, but when you don't got anything, everything means nada. My freaking arm is killing me and they don't do jack-s**t for me. Screw this place, man, I'm going to Brother Guayanes and get some of that salve he keeps in that big mayonnaise jar that smell like freaking mayonnaise. I am like yo," she added.

Alexandria lies, eyes closed, on a cot, while in a series of swishes and clicks, Brother Guayanes waves five pairs of scissors one after another over her prone, socialist body, as he says magic words in a language only he and his therapist can understand.

The healer says he performs 200 such interventions a week in a dim, candle-lit room that features two camp beds and an array of plaster statues that Brother Guayanes says represent "spiritual entities" and all that stuff, man.

A regular visitor to the spiritual center, Alexandria says she has faith in Rosales' methods: "He healed my kidneys and he even has toilet paper."

Bernie Sanders used his private health care provider to provide him with socialist-free medical care. Now he wants the rest of us to have "free" socialist health care.


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