Changes coming by the numbers

In an attempt to be all-inclusive, the U.S. Army issued a directive on grooming and appearance regulations that now allows observant Sikh men, conservative Muslim women and orthodox Muslim men to wear religious head coverings, and in the case of the latter, to wear mock-up suicide vests. 

Thus, the only change in custom is that the vests must be non-explosive but can resemble the more formal attire.

The new policy was announced on Tuesday and it allows Sikh soldiers to maintain their beards and female soldiers to wear light mustaches and their hair in dreadlocks.

"The Army has reviewed its policies to ensure soldiers can serve in a manner consistent with their faith so that we can recruit from the broadest pool of America's best," Army Secretary Eric Fanning said in a politically correct statement. 

"Over the last year, the Army conducted rigorous evaluation and validation of how commonly requested accommodations would impact force effectiveness," Fanning whimpered. "Our goal has always been to ensure soldier readiness and safety while providing reasonable accommodations for these established and recognized faith practices."

Soldiers will still have to submit their requests for brigade-level approval, but with the softening of Army standards and the new wave of political correctness, approvals are just about guaranteed.

There will be additional changes in the way the U.S. Army treats its troops. Men who believe they are women are permitted to use the female facilities. Women who believe they are men, can use the men's room. Those soldiers who aren't certain of their gender identity may pee on the floor, but in the other situation will use the facilities they were not born with, in the event that they make up their minds as to what they are at a later date.

Soldiers will be permitted to make as many gender identity changes as they deem necessary--there is no limit to their mental illness requirements.

The largest numbers of requests regarding appearance comes from Muslim women soldiers who want to wear the hijab (headscarf). The Army is currently working on developing a hijab made of flexible Kevlar to protect their heads on the battlefield. It will come in desert camouflage and green.

The same is true for Sikhs who wear a turban known as a patka. They will be permitted to wear it as well as their uncut beard and hair as Sikhs are supposed to never cut their har. Kevlar is being tested for the patka as well.







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