The Stench of a Woman

Mistaking Pepperspray for Body Wash

It seems like most of us have terrible things to say about the occupy movement, like how they're so negative and nihilistic about the country, how they're so violent and disrespectful toward authority; how they are so spoiled, thinking the government owes them a living, and how they believe that they should be forgiven their school loans from banks that they hate and wish to destroy. But all this aside, the occupy movement has inspired several fragrances designed to rekindle memories of this movement before it completely dies out and the kids go back home to occupy their parents' basement, and the older hippies, go back to their memories of Woodstock and how cool they were when they still had hair. I have listed these fragrances below, but use them with caution--they just might get you something you didn't bargain for.

How Marxists Demonstrate: on a US Flag

The first little number goes for $48 an ounce and goes by the name "Week Eight." Its fragrance is reminiscent of those protestors who had the fortitude to stick it out to the bitter end, in spite of the rapes, diminishing supply of drugs, lack of interest, and colder weather. Do not confuse "Week Eight" with anything "weak." This fragrance is powerful enough to wilt a rose and is not for the wilting rose. The only negative, besides the actual odor, is how it stains clothing.

Fragrance 2: "Sharing the Tent." This fragrance is a combination of fermented female estrogen and twice fermented male testosterone, with a curious musky smell that will attract more than just the curious of the opposit sex--it will attrack the curious of other species and must be applied with caution, particularly in bear and horse country. Sharing the Tent is modestly priced at $30 an ounce and worth every penny, especially if you're a bear or a horse.

Fragrance 3: "Stench of a Woman." Stench of a Woman, or just plain Stench, goes for $46 an ounce and calls to mind a hot summer day on the beach, under the boardwalk, and you've just found an old, used condom and a dead fish. Stench has an interesting history. It was designed by a Marxist whose original intention was to overthrow the government by secreting into power their own president with more charisma than he deserved. Part of the mystery of Stench is how similar it is to odors eminating from a certain white building in Washington DC.

His only contribution to society

Fragrance 4: "Cop Car": If you or any of your loved ones occupied Wall Street or any of the many occupy city movements, Cop Car will not only bring back memories of the police presence at your protest, but will, in fact, bring back the way the cop cars smelled after protestors finished on them. Cop Car only costs $12 ounce and should be part of any movement you attend in the future. Downside--Cop Car smells like crap, and, like many of the protestors, will attract flies.

Obama's Brains

Fragrance 5: "Soros: this fragrance is the most expensive, going for $1.6 million per ounce. It has a masculine, foreign odor, and takes years getting used to, and in the process leads to projectile vomiting, flatulence, diarrhea, stress incontinence, frack knuckles, and whipple-hives. The main problem with Soros, however, is that it tends to offend normal people while attracting people of lower intelligence to its powerful smell. Be aware that when applying Soros, you should know that the bouquet seems to last forever and is next to impossible to remove. So, wear it with extreme caution, and only when you want to attract women and men who sing poorly, bathe infrequently, and are still upset with Lyndon Johnson.

If you are interested in terrorism and suspense, I have provided 2 links (below) for a hard copy (soft cover) edition and an eBook edition of my latest novel, Jihad Joe.  It's a story about Zed Nill, a New York based reporter, taken hostage by Islamic terrorists.  He must escape, or be beheaded the following day . . . the clock is ticking.

click here for softcover Jihad Joe                     

click here for ebook version

Tweet