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The Orthodox Islamic Hockey League
Imagine if Orthodox Muslims had their own hockey league. “Playing forward for the Montreal Minarets, number 1, Muhammad Mustafa. In goal, number 4, Mohammad Rahman, and leading the team in scoring, number 6, Muhamed Ibrahim. And the Captain of the Minarets, number 3, Mohammad Akhbar. Let’s hear it for them, gentlemen; a big round of applause.
“Their opponents tonight, the Ottawa 72s with Muhammad Jihad, number 1 in goal; Mohmahd Pez number 8 in the forward position, Mohamad Kumar, number 18 defense, and starting for the first time in the Islamic Hockey League, Mohammid Azizz, number 9 on the left wing.
“As you know, most of the players don`t know how to skate, but that should only make the game more fun. Cheerleaders for tonight`s game are the fabulous Burqa Babes from Saudi Arabia and they will be performing “I Can`t Dance, I Can`t Sing, I Can`t Drive a Damned Thing.” Their incredibly hot performance is brought to you by the makers of that fine perfume, “Beneath the Burqa.” Yes, Beneath the Burqa, made from the warmth of the liquid of a camel`s bladder, with that fresh Bedouin scent that tells him you`re going to cook for him tonight. Yes, Beneath the Burqa--wear it and be beaten anyway.
“We have a very special guest with us tonight, my fellow jihadists; Muhammad Abdullah, from the Baltimore Beheaders. In last night`s performance, he nearly lived up to the team's name and almost took a defenseman`s head off with his drive to the goal. Hah, hah. How are you feeling tonight, Muhammad?”
“I`m feeling just great, Mo.”
“Fantastic. Let me ask you, what was going through your mind during that charge to the net? There was a kind of ferocity in your eyes, I felt."
"Yes, there was, Mo. I guess you could credit the way I psych myself up before a game—I use visualization techniques. I try to see myself on an Arabian stallion, riding across a desert attacking Jews and Christians, but especially Jews, if you know what I mean."
“Interesting concept—does it work?”
“You saw what I did to their defenseman; it worked great. Best part was that I didn`t feel even a twinge of guilt—I never do. I understand, however, that they were able to sew him up after the game so that his head didn`t wobble side to side when they buried him. They do great work, those undertakers.”
“Well, there you have it. The great Muhammad Abdullah from the Baltimore Beheaders. Good luck tomorrow night against the Park 51 Nine Elevens.”
“Thanks Mo.”
Imagine if Orthodox Muslims had their own hockey league. “Playing forward for the Montreal Minarets, number 1, Muhammad Mustafa. In goal, number 4, Mohammad Rahman, and leading the team in scoring, number 6, Muhamed Ibrahim. And the Captain of the Minarets, number 3, Mohammad Akhbar. Let’s hear it for them, gentlemen; a big round of applause.
“Their opponents tonight, the Ottawa 72s with Muhammad Jihad, number 1 in goal; Mohmahd Pez number 8 in the forward position, Mohamad Kumar, number 18 defense, and starting for the first time in the Islamic Hockey League, Mohammid Azizz, number 9 on the left wing.
“As you know, most of the players don`t know how to skate, but that should only make the game more fun. Cheerleaders for tonight`s game are the fabulous Burqa Babes from Saudi Arabia and they will be performing “I Can`t Dance, I Can`t Sing, I Can`t Drive a Damned Thing.” Their incredibly hot performance is brought to you by the makers of that fine perfume, “Beneath the Burqa.” Yes, Beneath the Burqa, made from the warmth of the liquid of a camel`s bladder, with that fresh Bedouin scent that tells him you`re going to cook for him tonight. Yes, Beneath the Burqa--wear it and be beaten anyway.
“We have a very special guest with us tonight, my fellow jihadists; Muhammad Abdullah, from the Baltimore Beheaders. In last night`s performance, he nearly lived up to the team's name and almost took a defenseman`s head off with his drive to the goal. Hah, hah. How are you feeling tonight, Muhammad?”
“I`m feeling just great, Mo.”
“Fantastic. Let me ask you, what was going through your mind during that charge to the net? There was a kind of ferocity in your eyes, I felt."
"Yes, there was, Mo. I guess you could credit the way I psych myself up before a game—I use visualization techniques. I try to see myself on an Arabian stallion, riding across a desert attacking Jews and Christians, but especially Jews, if you know what I mean."
“Interesting concept—does it work?”
“You saw what I did to their defenseman; it worked great. Best part was that I didn`t feel even a twinge of guilt—I never do. I understand, however, that they were able to sew him up after the game so that his head didn`t wobble side to side when they buried him. They do great work, those undertakers.”
“Well, there you have it. The great Muhammad Abdullah from the Baltimore Beheaders. Good luck tomorrow night against the Park 51 Nine Elevens.”
“Thanks Mo.”
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