Canadians Defy the Laws of Physics

Global Warming: this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

As we left the house this morning my wife, Thasneem, said to me, "This ice is freezing." I couldn't hold back my wise-ass response to her observation: "If it wasn't, it wouldn't be ice." But what she was really saying was how cold it was this morning with a temperature around -19 C degrees.

One of the things I've realized since moving to Canada is how Canadians defy the laws of physics. When it's freezing out, Canadians are just getting cooled off. When it's around -10 C degrees, they put on their coat to go out for long periods of time, but still prefer throwing out the garbage in their tee shirt. When it's -20 C degrees, they admit that it's starting to get cold and those two little round blue things hanging between that guy's legs aren't Christmas tree ornaments. No wonder Canucks kick butt in winter sports and call members in the Polar Bear Club a bunch of pussies. Canadians are impervious to the cold.

Well, maybe not all of them. There are still reports of poor people freezing to death in the streets here in Canada, so I should point that out that if you live in a town where they accept donations of overcoats, you might want to think of getting rid of that ugly monstrosity that has been sitting in your closet for the past five years never to be worn again because it's out of style and as ugly as a butt pimple.

Now getting back to the subject of cold--I plan to buy a pair of hockey skates to go along the canal. Thasneem plans to do the same, though she has never skated--the ice melts too quickly in India, and just as you're all laced up, it's gone.

Hope you are having a wonderful winter. If you aren't, you better do something abooot it, eh.

eyes

eyes
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Today was Super Sunday and there was an Ottawa 67s game too. I'm all sported out after going to the hockey game and then watching the Big Game on TV. My son-in-law was my partner in crime today and we had a gentleman`s bet on the game--no money just chosing a side to cheer for--I chose Green Bay and won the bet. Half time with Black Eyed Peas was interesting in that it reminded me not of peas, but of a black hole--sucking up everything in its vicinity. I felt that if Frankie and I were on that stage singing with electric breasts and lightbulb butts, our voices and actions would not have been any less entertaining than what was on that stage. I mean it--the half time entertainment totally sucked. I don`t understand how people get paid such incredible sums of money to do what was done there in Dallas. Peas be up in you.

Well, maybe next year it`ll be more entertaining--maybe we`ll have a wardrobe disaster that`ll make the news.

Big TV Chick--this photo is blogged

Big TV Chick--this photo is blogged
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Nothing seems real anymore. The media has taken everything we've known about humanity and buffed it up to look good, even though we know that reality doesn't even come close to what we're seeing on the tube. But here in Canada they don't do that sort of thing--at least not all of the time. The people are real--they have Canadian accents and say a boat when they mean about. They don't look like Hollywood glamor queens--they look like that chick sitting across from you on the bus eating a Big Mac and washing it down with a slurpee. They are totally real and I like that a boat Canada.

Please don't get the impression I have anything negative to say about full-size people; I don't and I happen to be in that category myself. I'm just saying that they choose people to represent the news here based on their brain size, not their waist size, and I like it that way.

I don't know the lady in this photo but she seems bright and knew what was new, or news, that is.

Anyway, I had to get this off my chest. And speaking of chests . . . never mind.

Next time I want to talk about winter photography from the comfort of your couch.