Hamas promises "torrent of blood" after IDF kills 2 terrorist leaders in Jenin

L-R Rafaat Mahmoud Dawasi and Ahmed Abu Ora 

The two men pictured above Dawasi and Ora, were former commanders of the Palestinian resistance movement Hamas' armed wing, the al Qassam Brigades. They are no longer with us but have floated down to where global warming is kid's play and the goat virgins wait for their arrival as they graze.

In a melodramatic twist of events, Hamas’ illustrious armed wing, al-Qassam Brigades, has taken to grand proclamations as is their wont. Following the routine assassination of two of its commanders in the occupied West Bank—a pastime cherished by the IDF—the group has promised a theatrical vendetta.

In a statement saturated with dramatic flair, al-Qassam declared on Saturday that the succulent blood of its 'martyred' high-ranking members will magically transform into a "torrent of blood" for their oppressors. The statement reads like the script of a spaghetti western, promising that retaliation will be nothing short of a blockbuster with "more high-profile operations" starring Qassam fighters from every corner of the occupied West Bank.

Previously, the ensemble regaled us with a riveting tale of Israeli drones performing a series of precision airstrikes on a delightfully problematic vehicle in Jenin, located in the northern West Bank. The resulting 'martyrdom'—perfectly on cue—of two implausibly valiant commanders, Rafaat Mahmoud Dawasi and Ahmed Walid Abu Ora, should really leave us questioning if the sequel will ever top this original hit.

 
Naturally, they described Dawasi with all the flair of a Hollywood blockbuster as the armed wing’s commander in Jenin, while Abu Ora was touted as another prominent military luminary within the heroic band.

“Together, they executed and planned several qualitative operations [against the occupying regime] in the last three months,” al-Qassam said.




The hit jobs followed hot on the heels of a spy-thriller-style assassination mission by the regime that zeroed in on Tehran, resulting in the illustrious 'martyrdom' of Ismail Haniyeh, the former head honcho of Hamas' Political Bureau. Haniyeh was just trying to enjoy some hors d'oeuvres at the inauguration party of Iran’s President Masoud Pezeshkian, yet he found himself an unexpected guest of honor in the drama.

Bahdahbing!

In a fashion true to action movies, the movement has promised this dastardly deed won’t slip by unnoticed, and the Islamic Republic has vowed a forthcoming episode of “harsh revenge” that's sure to get stellar ratings.

Before his untimely demise (read: ill-timed, as he had a rather important brunch scheduled), Haniyeh was the grand maestro of the movement’s negotiation symphony over in Doha, Qatar. He was trying to finagle a ceasefire in the never-ending soap opera that is the regime’s war on the Gaza Strip, which, in its latest 'season' that premiered on October 7, has tragically 'cancelled' over 40,000 Palestinian lives. Talk about an apocalypse with bad ratings.

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