Brain Flushings has recently discovered that North Korea has slightly deflated the list of crimes that are no longer punishable by death. This comes as a great relief to North Koreans who, though starving as the canine population decreases, still wish to remain alive.
The list below is a good start to a new North Korea and a somewhat brighter future to the inhabitants.
1. Jay walking. Although jay walking can cause accidents and even death to the jay walker or those attempting to avoid hitting them with their bicycles, North Korea's Supreme Leader for Life Kim Jong Un, will no longer have jay walkers put to death. He has found it in his kind heart to simply have both of their feet run over by a Kia SUV and warn them the next time it will be done with a Hyundai. Wah.
2. Cursing out loud over a stubbed toe. In the past, Kim had these unfortunate people put to death because he hates bad language and made an example of them. Now he simply forgives them because the same thing happened to him not long ago.
3. Accidentally spilling milk. This used to be punishable with death because the entire notion that one should not cry over spilt milk was a Western saying which got Kim's goat and he would fly into a rage if anyone (including an uncle who found himself shucking and jiving in a mine field while Kim watched) spilled milk. Now the punishment is less harsh as it consists of being beaten with 100 stroke by a cat-o-nine tails.
4. Eating a neighbor's cat. While Kim despised people who would steal their a neighbor's pet for food, he knew in his heart that if the neighbor wasn't sufficiently hungry to indulge in chowing down on Fluffy, then this neighbor had too much 'privilege' and their cat-eating neighbor had every right to eat the cat.
5. Making a math problem error. Asians, Kim knows, generally excel in math and any North Korean who cannot solve a simple calculus problem was put to death. However, times have changed and Kim was running out of people for the People's Army who would one day conquer the world.
6. Missing a basketball slam-dunk in competition. Everyone knows how much Kim loves the game of basketball [just ask Dennis Rodman]. If a player on the team he happens to be rooting for on a given day is open for an "in-your-face-slam-dunk" misses the shot, that player would then be shot. But now a softer, gentler Kim has had a change of heart and will only have the player spend a year and a day in a North Korean prison.
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