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Monday, June 26, 2017

Japan: "if N. Korea nukes us, assume this position"

Things between North Korea and Japan are worse than the proverbial scorpion and the frog. Residents in Japan have been advised to seek shelter or lie on the ground in the event NoKo fires missiles at them.

The Japanese government has made a terrifying national  TV broadcast alluding to the notion that once the missiles are on their way they should "Bend your head toward the earth in a sleeping lotus pose . . . continue stretching until your forehead comes feels loose and comfortable as it comes in contact with your southern region . . . then kiss your butt 'goodbye.'"

The broadcast told viewers that in the event of a missile attack, the Japanese government will inform the public of their impending immolation through speakers across the country.

Starting now until July, 43 TV stations and 70 Japanese newspapers will publish written instructions.

Lard-endowed Kim Jong Un recently had the North perform another ballistic missile test and he can be seen pictured with a crap-ingesting grin on his face.

This is the fourth new system NoKo has tested this year.

While the biggest problem Japan has faced most recently was merely tourist flatulence , there now appears to be growing fears over what feels like an impending attack by the hermit state.

A small Japanese company that specializes in constructing nuclear shelters has said that orders for the shelters has gone through the roof as terrified civilians prepare for the worst.